Paper towel scarcity hits Holy Cross, as Kimball Chicken steps in with an alternative solution
In an unexpected turn of events, Holy Cross College has announced that leftover Kimball chicken will be used as a replacement for paper towels in an effort to combat a shortage. The decision, made by the Administration, is based on the chicken's similarity and texture to paper towels.
However, it's important to clarify that there is no verified evidence supporting the claim that Holy Cross College is using leftover Kimball chicken as a substitute for paper towels. The sources do not confirm this rumor or joke, and it seems to be either mistaken or based on misinformation.
Despite the uncertainty, Kimball Hall will continue to produce the chicken to aid this ongoing effort, but it will not be displayed for eating purposes. The chicken, stored in grey tins for an unknown period, remains as dry as the Sahara desert.
The decision comes at a time when the Holy Cross community is experiencing an increase in sickness due to close quarters, communal bathrooms, and crowded Kimball lines. This, coupled with the shortage of paper towels, has led to a 95 percent increase in rates of insecurity among students.
Meanwhile, finals season is approaching, causing high stress levels and tensions. To combat sickness during the colder months, pop-up vaccination clinics have been set up at Health Services.
In a more positive note, 125 Holy Cross students participated in the Spring Break Immersion Program this year, with 17 different locations across the country, from Boston to Washington state. Students apply to participate in this program, which takes place in areas ranging from community service to cultural immersion.
As the weeks leading up to finals approach, students are expected to face eventful weeks, including potential slips on icy stairs and difficulty staying awake. In light of the paper towel shortage, some students have been using their own pants as towels. A student survey revealed that 100 percent of students have started to judge their classmates with wet pants.
Despite the challenges, the Holy Cross community remains resilient and united in the face of adversity. The Administration continues to work diligently to ensure the wellbeing and safety of all students.
[1] TikTok video reference: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe87nG4h/ [2] University events: https://www.holycross.edu/events [3] Condolences: https://www.holycross.edu/about/news/condolences-to-the-family-of-fr-peter-j-murphy-sj [4] Etiquette: https://www.holycross.edu/about/news/holy-cross-students-learn-etiquette-from-the-best [5] Community service bids: https://www.holycross.edu/about/news/holy-cross-students-participate-in-community-service-bids
- Faculty members are discussing innovative solutions to the increased sickness rates on campus, such as implementing outdoor-living workshops to promote healthy habits, or home-and-garden classes to teach students how to grow their own plants for wellness.
- In light of the paper towel shortage, the College's student council plans to organize a news conference to address concerns and provide updates about the situation, as well as discuss potential alternative solutions.
- A lifestyle magazine published an article featuring Holy Cross College as a top destination for students who enjoy an active campus life, offering outdoor activities like hiking, biking, and rock climbing opportunities.
- The campus newspaper, “The Crusader,” recently published a controversial editorial supporting the use of "home-grown" paper towels as a sustainable solution to the current shortage, which has sparked heated debate among students, faculty, and administration.
